Monday, January 14, 2008
My Party (continued)
I am proud to announce that the Happy Bunny American Patriot Unicorn Freedom Party has added two new members. The march to take Washington is starting to gain the kind of momentum only heretofore experienced by little particles of snow lucky enough to participate in an avalanche. Nothing outside of the interference of reality can keep us from taking over the American political frontier like Davy Crockett on HGH (but without the back acne)! A couple bits of party news to announce. First off, we will from now on be known as the Happy Bunny American Bacon Patriot Unicorn Freedom Party. It was pointed out to me that everyone, including vegetarians and pigs, loves bacon. That logic being irrefutable, we here at the HBABPUFP decided to add one tiny extra word to the party name. We are a party of inclusion and if bacon wants in, we have plenty of room for it. All future uniforms and paraphenalia related to the HBABPUFP should reflect this change. Secondly, we have added another plank to our platform. Although we as a party are not generally in favor of the death penalty, as party founder I realized this weekend that there should be one exception to this rule. Purveyors of alcohol who charge more than four dollars for a domestic beer will now be executed on the spot, no exceptions. I payed seven dollars this weekend for a Killians at RBC arena in Raleigh. These places that use the fact that you are trapped there to gouge prices have gotten out of control. Call me a communist, but this practice is not inherently capitalistic, but rather monopolistic in nature. Beer, as the drink of the Gods, should be sold in a more respectful manner and should be available to all for a reasonable price regardless of one's location. Any who violate this sacred trust should have their liver eaten out by starved hyenas. No politician has had the guts to take this issue on - the Republicans want to protect business/price-gouging ass holes and the pansy liberals say eating out people's organs is cruel and unusual punishment. Not us at the HBABPUFP - we hold this issue dear to our hearts and we promise action!
P.S.:A friend of the party is currently working on some Happy Bunny wear (t-shirt probably)- please let me know if you are interested. Long live the HBABPUFP.