Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Fuku Domo


Yes, I am a Cubs fan - and my pain and sadness are more painful and sad than yours.
I have news hot off the presses for you Cubs fans out there. Your faith is reminiscent of the man who believes he can dig his way out of jail with a toothpick. No matter how many impediments are thrust in his way, regardless of the occasions he is told his task is impossible, he continues to saunter on - he ignores all of these obstacles, certain that in the end his goal will be reached. So too do you, the Cubs fan. You have seen "Shawshank Redemption" and you know with enough hard work and obstinance anything can be accomplished. What is a hundred years of failure? What of the fact that thousands of fans have died without ever witnessing a World Series title? These pieces of information are merely reality and should never interfere with our hopes and dreams, dreams that following the news of today, should be realized within a few short months. Yes you have surmised correctly, we have re-signed Jon Leiber. After several years as a Wandering Jew travelling the clubhouses of various franchises our prodigal son has returned. Once a twenty game winner for the Cubbies, Lieber comes back to the fold a few years older and no doubt wiser. Unfortunately, he has been injured for a large portion of the last two seasons, both of which he played phor the phucking Philadelphia Phillies. Also, he has aged to near Methusulahistic proportions - in fact the brittle bone and ligament structure that inherently goes with such advanced years probably goes a long way towards explaining his gimpiness during the previous two campaigns. If we can put Humpty Dumpty back together again, however, his acquisition should solidify the staff behind ace Carlos Zambrano, young phenom Rich Hill, and crafty lefty Ted Lilly. Along with the addition of that slanty-eyed Jap bastard Fukudomo (I have been told that this comment is racist and downright hypocritical since I am gay and also subject to prejudices - in response I have to say that I hate gay people and white people to for that matter so I am in a unique position to criticize everyone and make use of all ethnic, gender, and sexual preference based slurs as I see fit) in right field, odds are if we don't make the World Series, there will at least be a lot of good jokes to be had. Eamus Catuli!

1 comment:

Josh Blakeman said...

Last week the Cubs are about to pull off a deal that would land them Roberts and Bedard and now they settle for Jon Lieber. Not really all that bad since you only have to compete with the Flying Seligs from Milee-Wakee. Oh and speaking of that I would have never guessed that our awesome government sides with Selig on all issues concerning steroids. No way our gov't would never side with a totally rich good for nothing living off family wealth cracker-ass white dude. Oh wait I just described the head of our F-up'd gov't and the head of our national pastime. Get it. Nice, kind of like taking one old washed up steroid addicted third baseman and trading him for another. Oh wait the Cardinals did that this week. If it makes you feel better, Lieber would be our number 1.