Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Mac Attacks the MAC

July 4: Happy two hundred and thirty fifth birthday America. You don't look a day over two hundred. I kid, seriously, please don't send nuclear weapons towards my hotel, twas merely a joke.
If you hit me now you would be destroying Muncie, Indiana, which was not named after San Diego Charger running back Chuck Muncie, but rather the Munsee Indians. Munsee means Wolf Clan in English for those of you trying to learn a fifteenth language. Sitting on the White River Muncie is, like Oxford, a university town, home to Ball State University. Dave Letterman claims to have matriculated there, but I don't trust anyone who is too rich to get their teeth fixed.
The Ball brothers (I'm pretty sure there were two of them) made a fortune in glass manufacturing, not tea bags as I had previously surmised. They endowed a teacher's college, inspiring the playwright George Bernard Shaw to quip, "those who can't, go to Ball State." What an ass hole that guy was.
The school became an accredited university in 1965 and plays with the Miami not known as The U in the MAC, which stands for Mostly Awful Conference. Their most famous athlete is Bonzi Wells, a prolific scorer for the Portland Jail Blazers during the late 1990s.
I unfairly poke fun at the MAC, whose twelve schools can each boast at least one great professional sportsman.
Miami,Ohio: Ben Roethlisberger, two-time Super Bowl Champion
Ball State: Bonzi Wells
Bowling Green: Antonio Daniels, one NBA title
Eastern Michigan: Earl "Mary Chestnut" Boykins, the shortest player ever to do something or other
Central Michigan: Chris Kaman, the tallest player to do the very same thing
Western Michigan: Greg Jennings, current Super Bowl Champion
Akron: Jason Taylor, although I should have said Charlie Frye, he would have been amazing if he had not been drafted by the Browns
Kent State: Antonio Gates, possibly the best tight end in NFL history
Ohio: Mike Schmidt, member of the 500 home run club before the steroid era
Toledo: Bruce Gradkowski, okay maybe not all of those are superb players
Northern Illinois: Michael Turner
Buffalo: Maybe not all twelve.
If you are wondering, I did indeed hike today. I traveled from Losantville to Muncie, covering eighteen miles for a total of 947. It has been two weeks since I took a day off and I am beginning to experience some fatigue as a result. I would really like to reach the one thousand mile mark before my week long break begins on the eighth. Will my body cooperate? Stay tuned to find out.


Anonymous said...

You missed 3 time NBA all-star, "Thunder Dan" Majerle...pride of the Central Michigan Chippewas.

Alastair McCandless said...

Good call Mark, I was a big fan of Thunder Dan, the white boy with the hops and a smooth j.

g said...

OU-home of Mike Schmidt, slugger for the Phillies