Not Always a Fool

I know following the title you are probably expecting an autobiographical piece, especially if you are my always overly proud mother. I am, however, talking about our own federal government. I realize it is fashionable of late to kick the American Congress, Bureaucracy, Presidency, and Judiciary for their various foibles and, true enough, there are many of those. Who hasn't had an apoplexy after reading another story about the corruptive influence of lobbyists, corporate dominance of politics, or the sloth-like inactivity of our legislators?
I would like instead though to take some time to remember some aspects of our country's government that have helped our nation to achieve and thrive for so long. Maybe there are some things that we have overlooked in our urgency to condemn the bad that is done up in Washington D.C.
1. The World's First National Parks: We have a national park system that is unmatched in the rest of the world. President Theodore Roosevelt, quite an outdoorsmen himself, established the first national parks in the early twentieth century, while also passing the Antiquities Act, which allowed the president to establish "national monuments" protecting land from development and making certain the land would belong to the American people in perpetuity.
Crater Lake was one of the first five national parks created and the Grand Canyon was one of the earliest national monuments. Today the National Park Service administers 392 separate parks and monuments around the nation, giving Americans the right and opportunity to see beauty that might have been obliterated by development and mining if our government, led by President Theodore Roosevelt, had not taken positive action. I spent some time last weekend enjoying the Blue Ridge Parkway, an addition to our National Park System built by the Civil Conservation Corps (a public works project built in the 1930s courtesy of Theodore's cousin Franklin).
2. The World's best Interstate Highway System: Our national highway system is a great example of how government spending can have positive unintended consequences. The Dwight D. Eisenhower National System of Interstate and Defense Highways, as the American Interstate System was originally known, was created as an important component of a national defense network. Eisenhower, heavily influenced by his experiences with the impressive Autobahn in Germany, thought a much more thorough system of roads was necessary to protect the United States against the Evil Empire (the USSR not the New York Yankees).
Although Franklin Roosevelt is often accused by commentators of being a liberal spender, it is Republican Eisenhower's Interstate Project that logs in as the most expensive public works project in American history. As of today, the various highways created in 1956 by Eisenhower and Congress have grown to an amazing 46,000 plus miles in length. That is more road than any other country on Earth can boast. The added infrastructure was a great boost to American competitiveness in the global market, bringing down greatly the cost of getting goods to market. The distribution of almost every product you buy involves the National Interstate System (and if not it has surely traveled through an airport or seaport built mainly with federal funds).
The benefits for America don't end there either. With more and higher quality highways, its a lot easier to travel to all those wonderful national parks as well!
3. Electricity: Of course, Franklin Delano Roosevelt did spend impressive amounts of federal funds in his attempt to haul the faltering American economy out of the Depression (he was unsuccessful as only a much larger amount of government spending and government employment caused by World War II was able to do the job).
One of the Roosevelt administration's most enduring acts was the creation of the TVA or Tennessee Valley Authority. The American South was suffering the brunt of the economic downturn, as over-farmed and over-grazed land, no electricity, and little industry had resulted in crushing poverty for the region's inhabitants. The TVA helped turn their struggles around by "developing fertilizers, teaching farmers how to improve crop yields, helping replant forests, controlling forest fires, and improving habitat for wildlife and fish." (TVA website)
The main impact of the TVA, however, was brought by the dams the project built. These dams were hydroelectric in nature and with their construction light came into a land of darkness. People who had never experienced the joy of electricity were now on the grid.
Later federal projects brought the joy of televisions, microwaves, and computers (arrival time in your area may have varied) to places like my home state of South Carolina. In fact, almost all of the state's power is generated thanks to federal funding and construction know-how (the US Corps of Engineers are responsible for Lake Hartwell for example). Did you know that there are no natural lakes in South Carolina? Lakes Jocassee/Keowee (a state project), Hartwell (Truman), Murray (FDR), and Santee Cooper (FDR again) were all the result of federal and state government plans to develop hydroelectric power.
Even the largest corporations simply do not have the resources do enact these vast projects. Only through taxes and central government are we able as a society to put complicated projects like dams and interstates together. Their existence is of great assistance to private business, however, providing low-cost electricity for industry and a road system that allow for goods to get to market in a much cheaper fashion.
And don't forget, our man-made lakes are also great areas for recreation and most have large areas open to the public year round. So get out there and put your tax dollars to work by riding a jet ski drunk. (Editor encourages jet ski riders to stay sober even if it is a lot less fun)
4. Protection. Over the last century our nation's bureaucracy has grown by leaps and bounds as numerous agencies have been founded, most of whom go by three letters and seem to devote most of their time to spying. Whether they spy on the average American citizen or our country's enemies we don't know, as their activities are kept mostly secret. There are some three letter agencies, however, that are intended to work for the American people, to keep us safe and to defend us from the abuses of others. I will speak briefly about two in particular, the FDA and the EPA.
The Food and Drug Administration, or FDA, was founded by Theodore Roosevelt after Upton Sinclair's novel "The Jungle" provoked horror from the American people. "The Jungle," was intended to show the horrible working conditions among the meat-packing facilities in Chicago. Instead the book's accounts of disgusting items like human fingers and rat entrails being included in the meat that was sent out to the general public for ingestion caused an outcry for the federal government to take action. "I meant to hit the American public in the heart, but I missed and hit them in the stomach," was Sinclair's witty response to the furor his book created.
President Teddy Bear and Congress acted quickly, with the 1906 passage of the Pure Food and Drugs Act, which was designed to protect the American public from misbranded foods and quack medications, in addition to the finger-food being produced by the meat packers. Advances in science around this time also allowed chemists hired by the government to better discover whether a product really produced the magical effects claimed on the label.
The FDA (which was first called by the name in 1930) was the first government agency designed specifically to protect the American citizen's health. The organization oversight authority expanded in the mid 1930s after the Elixir Sulfanilamide disaster resulted in the deaths of over one hundred Americans. Apparently antifreeze is not a good thing to ingest.
Various other frauds have been uncovered over the years as pharmaceutical companies that stand to make millions of dollars from various miracle drugs have not always proved to be the most scrupulous folks. Thanks to the FDA I don't have to worry about whether my Viagra will work or that I will be getting a Handburger the next time I go through the Wendy's drive thru.
I am getting kind of hungry after all that food talk, but let's take a minute to look at another government agency that delivers us from evil, the Environmental Protection Agency. The EPA, as this lazy author will refer to it from now on, also owes its formation to a stunning work of prose, in this case Rachel Carson's "Silent Spring." The United States faced a huge pollution problem in the 1960s as industrial pollution was unregulated and out of control. Rivers were actually catching fire do to the amount of chemicals they contained, a function I do not believe God originally intended them to have.
Carson's 1964 description of an environment bereft of life as the result of the overuse of pesticides such as DDT awakened a movement that resulted in the EPA, formed in 1970 by none other than President Richard Nixon ( I hope most of the readership avoided a heart attack after that revelation - yes the environment was not always a wedge issue).
Since that great day the EPA has fought to keep America from turning into one big toxic waste dump. Our nation's symbol, the bald eagle, which was on the verge of extinction as a result of DDT, has made a comeback. Our air and our water are much cleaner than they were in the 1960s. I hear a lot about how regulation is a burden on business and hurts our economy, but I don't want to live in a country like our corrupt neighbor to the South, with their cities soaked in smog and their water even less drinkable than their tequila. No wonder so many of their citizens want to move here.
5. Employment: Our federal government is the largest employer in the country. Its not even a race unless you consider a sprint between Usain Bolt and a tortoise to be compelling theater. Fourteen million plus citizens work for Uncle Sam and another seven million or so toil for various state governments. That is well over ten percent of the adult work force (a total of 155 million or so).
These facts bring up many questions. How much worse would the recent recession have been without these jobs? What is the optimal number of government employees for our economy to run at its smoothest? Is there even such a number? How many government jobs are vital to our nation and how many are superfluous make-work positions or needless bureaucratic layering?
I don't know the answers to these questions and I have argued against some government employment, like our vastly over-sized military, in the past. I do know, though, that many of the people who work these jobs are thanking God, Buddha, Satan, or whomever that they have a steady income during these tough times.

I could continue on, talking about Social Security, Medicare, OSHA, etc, but I think you get the point. I leave you now hopefully with a better impression of the good things that government is capable of when the right people are in charge and motivated to push the forces under their command in a direction that brings positive change to the American people. We sure as hell deserve it for all the other crap we have to put up with...

Patching Up Our Nation?

Reader Warning: Parody in Progress

The United States Senate spent several hours Monday vigorously debating controversial legislation that may affect future political races here in South Carolina. The turmoil is all thanks to an intriguing new law proposed by Senator Ross Noman, a first-term independent from New Hampshire.
Noman's legislation will make it mandatory for all United States Senate and House candidates to wear patches representing each of the top contributors to their campaigns.
"The idea is to bring real accountability and openness into the elections process; those running for higher office will literally be forced by law to wear their allegiance on their sleeves. Following the Supreme Court's January decision to allow unlimited corporate contributions, we need to know now more than ever exactly who is beholden to whom in the political world." Senator Noman said.
Each congressional candidate will be required to have an agreed upon symbol of their top ten contributors sewn in "a visible manner" upon whatever clothing they choose for their various campaigning stops.
The outspoken Minnesota Senator Al Frankenberry supports the bill, saying "Most senators are whores and they deserve to wear these scarlet letters indicating exactly who they are whoring themselves out to."
Several senators countered Noman and Frankenberry, including Jeff Secessions (R) of Alabama. "All of this information is already out there for citizens to lay there hands on, we don't need to put patches on our politicians and send them strutting out in public with these silly outfits. This is America! We aren't a bunch of Nazis branding people for their chosen affiliations."
As the debate continued Noman conceded that Secessions might have had a point twenty years ago "but we have to face the fact that we live in a time where the world moves very quickly and voters have a very limited attention span - the only way to make sure they have this information is to shove it directly in their faces," Noman argued.
Advertising executive John Andrews, whose company Members Only stands to profit from the law, agrees. "We have had great success with similar ideas, such as covering sports arenas and NASCAR racers with corporate slogans and decals."
Which begs the question: if passed will this law bring about recognition of the politicians' corporate ties or will it result in further revenue for the companies whose logos appear on the candidates? Only time will tell.
The measure will be up for more debate Tuesday and should be ready for a vote on Wednesday. Currently forty senators support the measure and forty are opposed, including both of South Carolina's senators. Another ten are still undecided. A similar bill co-sponsored by fifty-three separate legislators will go in front of the House next week.
What will be the consequences of the legislation here in South Carolina? Not much this year, as the bill is not scheduled to go into effect until May 2011 if passed. Those of you waiting for the upcoming battle between Alvin Greene's plain patchless navy blue suit and Jim Demint's technicolor dreamcoat will just have to be disappointed for now.
For a full list of all of the legislation's provisions click here.

To find out just who has contributed (and how much) to politicians in the races near you check out followthemoney.org.

Chicago: The Return

Chicago is known for several things that suck: the band of the same name, the eponymous musical featuring hamster ass, and my beloved Chicago Cubs. I shall be making another visit to the city this weekend and my goal is to avoid all of these things.
Except maybe the Cubs - I am like a deer in headlights when it comes to my beloved baseball team, unable to get out of the way as yet another season heads wildly off the tracks. Sadly, the team is being unfairly forced by Major League Baseball to play its last 40 or so meaningless games. If I indeed do make the trek to Wrigley Field, there better be enough beer left in the city of Chicago to help me cope with the inevitable result.

The M&M Match Game

As a self-proclaimed lover of music, its probably not surprising to hear that I also tend to prefer Hollywood productions that come with an excellent accompanying score or soundtrack. Therefore, in the spirit of the list-maker in "High Fidelity" I thought to record for posterity a few of my favorite flicks based on the ability of the music contained within them to lift the quality of the on-screen action. Ironically, "High Fidelity" does not actually make my squad. Nick Hornsby would probably also be disappointed that I was unable to limit my choices to a mere five. Hopefully you will indulge me.
So what is the criteria? I tried to only use one movie per director or musician. I chose to highlight the director in cases when soundtracks are involved and the composer when the music is more of a classical score. Don't look for "Sound of Music" or "West Side Story" here. Since pretty much all musicals stink like the rancid sulfur of Hades, none were able to make the cut.

1. "Pulp Fiction" and Quentin Tarantino: Almost all of Tarantino's productions could qualify here, with "Reservoir Dogs" and "Kill Bill" getting a lot of consideration. There was only one soundtrack, however, that played at almost every party I attended in college and that was "Pulp Fiction." Tarantino interlaces key dialogue from the movie in between songs that are easily identified with various scenes. Any time I hear Urge Overkill's "Girl You'll Be a Woman Soon" I think about how much it would suck to overdose on heroin and take an adrenaline shot in the belly while some crazy bitch with seventeen piercings cackles like a lobotomized loon. Even artists like Kool and the Gang, Dick Dale, the Statler Brothers, and Chuck Barry, whose genres I would normally never listen to on my own, fit like a glove, adding memorability to the action (or opening credits in the case of Kool and the Gang's "Jungle Boogie") they accompany. A+ on all accounts, fifteen years later this soundtrack still finds its way into my CD player with regularity. I probably give the film an additional viewing on a yearly basis as well.
Suggestion for further reading: My friend Kevin makes a great argument for "Jackie Brown" in the comments section.
2. "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou" and the Coen brothers: Although Tarantino was able to get me to listen to hip-hop, surf rock, and 1950s rock, he was unable to match the Coen brothers in one area. Their accomplishment is the soundtrack to "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou," which made me entirely reconsider my feelings toward bluegrass. Previously, I had viewed the genre as redneck mountain music unworthy of my attention. Because of "OBWAT," my eyes have been opened to the glorious sounds being made in them there hills. Rarely have I been as enamored with a voice as the first time I heard Gillian Welch singing the sirens' song to the escaped convicts as they lay along the river's edge. Ralph Stanley's "Oh, Death" also sent chills up my spine, showing the inexplicable beauty a voice can have even in old age. I could mention many more, but we'll just say that bluegrass owes the Coen brothers a debt of gratitude for bringing their songs into the consciousness of many who would have never considered listening to it before. When I am tuned into "This Old Porch" on WNCW on a Sunday afternoon, I know exactly who to thank.
3. "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" and Guy Ritchie: Outside of deciding to marry the succubus that is Madonna, Guy Ritchie has made few mistakes since his directorial debut only two decades ago. "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels" can certainly be listed at the forefront of his successes. A brilliant gangster flick interweaving the stories of several hapless groups of London felons, Ritchie's masterpiece uses a variety of music sublimely in an effort to underline the emotions of the characters. For the heroes of the piece, these run the gamut from extreme sadness to uncontrolled glee. Stretch's "Why Did You Do It" describes perfectly the crew's desperation after a hideous gambling loss incurs impossible debts with a local thug, while "Zorba's Dance" illustrates the mounting excitement of the group as they appear to have dug themselves out of their dilemma. It doesn't stop there though, the film is a constant thrill ride of twists and turns and the music matches the action like the perfect tango partner, in-step with the beat every second of the way.
4. "Almost Famous" and Cameron Crowe: Very few directors are better suited than Cameron Crowe to design the soundtrack to a movie. As a young man Crowe was a writer for "Rolling Stone" magazine, a story told in the semi-autobiographical account, "Almost Famous." I could have easily picked the "Singles" soundtrack for Crowe's entry, as the music contained within helped jump-start the grunge movement and the careers of bands like the Smashing Pumpkins, Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, and Alice-in-Chains. "Almost Famous," however, is just a much better movie and a lot of the credit for that goes to the musical choices Crowe made. I had always been a fan of the Elton John song "Tiny Dancer," but the tune had never made me cry like it does during the bus scene in "Almost Famous." Much of the music in this movie is familiar, as the film is describing an important era in classic rock history. Despite this familiarity, I never feel jaundiced or bored with the music here, as every song seems as fresh and new as a Summer's Eve douche when placed in the context of "Almost Famous"'s metaphorical vagina.
5. John Williams. Please forgive me for being wishy-washy on this one, as John Williams is without a doubt worthy of his own special rules. The composer of the scores to the "Star Wars" movies, "Jaws", and "Raiders of the Lost Ark" is clearly worthy of different treatment. My heart still races as if I was nine years old when the "Raiders" theme plays on ITunes. As a result, I have chickened out and refused to pick a single movie. Let's just leave it at this: his work has taken good cinema and advanced it into the realm of the great. Steven Spielberg and George Lucas are among the many who owe this great musician an unpayable debt. Fans of music and film will just have to get in line behind them to give Williams the plaudits he richly deserves.
6. "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" and Ennio Morricone/Sergio Leone. There is no more famous whistle in the history of mankind up to this point than the one that starts the theme to "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly." Most of the score riffs off of this original bit of music, with instrumentation changing to represent each of the three main characters. The movie is the third in a series of so-called "spaghetti westerns" by the Italian director Sergio Leone. Composer Ennio Morricone designed the score, using a complex array of instruments and sounds like gunfire, yodeling, and the aforementioned whistling. Morricone's music deepens the emotional connection the audience has with the actors, but adds a unique aspect of humor, as the score is often used to laugh at the foibles of the fumbling character Tuco. Congratulations to Ennio Morricone and Sergio Leone for creating a unique Western unlikely ever to be matched.
7. "The Graduate" and Simon and Garfunkel: One of the greatest pop music duos of all time was united with a young Dustin Hoffman to make 1967's "The Graduate." Director Mike Nichols also probably deserves a lot of credit, but this isn't an Oscar speech so we'll try to keep it brief.
There aren't many movies in the romance/drama category that I can manage to avoid sleeping through. Its possible I may be a situational narcoleptic - when boring crap comes onto the screen I just seem to start snoring. "The Graduate" never seems to trigger my ailment, however, and that is due to the great work of Simon and Garfunkel, whose soundtrack includes some of the best songs ever written. Everyone knows "Mrs. Robinson" (and her domineering character played ineffably by Anne Bancroft) and "Scarborough Fair", but for me the key moment of the film comes when "The Sounds of Silence" plays. No line in all of music symbolizes to me the pain of the possible loss of a relationship better than "...silence like a cancer grows." So beautiful and so terrible at the same time, but worry not - there may be redemption for "The Graduate" yet if he can just make the ceremony or get into the field of plastics.... I always forget which one.....
8. "Fight Club" and the Dust Brothers/Pixies: A dark movie with an equally dark soundtrack, "Fight Club" satirizes the American way of life in a manner that only Chuck Palahniuk, the author of the book upon which the film is based, could pull off successfully. The Dust Brothers provide the majority of the sonic sensations throughout, using their upbeat electronica to help drive the mayhem towards a successful finish. At the climax of the cinematic experience, the Pixies show up with "Where is My Mind?," a perfect concluding piece for the main character (played by Edward Norton), who appears to be literally and figuratively losing his mind due to a combination of his insanity and the force of cold lead. Yet, much like Norton's character in "25th Hour" this guy refuses to die and the buildings his crew has demolished fall like dominoes as the Pixies' song plays....chaos yes, but still a strange beauty pervades throughout the madness of the moment.
Honorable Mentions: "Last of the Mohicans" and Joel McNeely. "The Matrix" and the Wachowski Brothers. "The Crow" and Alex Proyas (thanks Kevin!). Also, the Corey suggests that even if you don't enjoy the idea of watching a McCandless (hits too close to home for me) slowly starve to death in the desolation of Alaska you should at least check out the soundtrack to "Into the Wild."

Did this ass hole make any glaring omissions? Please contact the author at the comments section below to rip him a new one for his ignorance.

Quiz Time

Wondering if we spend enough money on our military to keep our country safe? Take the quiz below.

http://www.sporcle.com/games/BPol/military_spending_dollars

Boy those other countries sure must be unsafe. Poor Sweden doesn't even make the list. It must be a very dangerous place to visit, with terrorists probably running all over the place.

A Donut of the People

Warning: The following is satire. Attempts to take the material seriously could result in serious brain injury.

The 2010 race to become South Carolina's next representative in the United States Senate has taken a startling twist today, as a new candidate is poised to enter the race. Claiming that neither Jim Demint or Alvin Greene is fit to serve in Congress, a box of a dozen donuts have succeeded in filing their petition to run in the race as an independent candidate.
By gathering the requisite five thousand signatures, the box of donuts is expected to throw a spanner in the works. According to political commentator Janet O'Neal, "The box of donuts is an unknown quantity. Will they steal votes from the Republicans or the Democrats? How much appeal to they have exactly. A lot of people out there hate politicians, but love donuts."
Bill Campbell, an experienced political consultant who helped a sourdough bagel to a seat on the San Francisco city council just last year, has been signed on to run the donuts' campaign. I interviewed him earlier this week to ask him about his plans for the November election.

"We expect to conduct a race based on a five-pronged strategy, designed to appeal to every citizen of South Carolina," Campbell began.
"The donuts will clearly appeal to the youth vote, a demographic set harnessed so effectively by Barack Obama in his recent presidential campaign. Kids love sweets and that will play to our strengths.
"Secondly, donuts are holey and that will gain them a lot of ground amongst the heavily Southern Baptist population in the state, who are greatly concerned with moral issues.
"The third prong is our immense money-raising capability. The donuts have an endless array of relatives willing to sell themselves at schools and churches in order to raise money for the campaign. We should have a war chest easily able to keep up with DeMint, the only other candidate bothering to do any fund raising so far.
"Next, we already have a campaign slogan that could be considered a master-stroke. I don't know if the time has come yet to unleash that part of our arsenal."
After being pressed Campbell admitted the slogan was "Hot, Fresh, and Now."
"We are going to use the words to illustrate a metaphor that our candidate represents. The American people are tired of the stale, maggot-encrusted dough that is politics in the United States. They want something hot and fresh, something "now" as it were, that truly represents them, not the special interests in their ivory towers in Washington."
Curious, I asked what his last bit of strategy entailed.
"Finally," stated Campbell, "the box of donuts is chocolate, a fact which will clearly appeal to the African-American population, who yearn desperately to see one of their own color represented in the Senate for the first time since Reconstruction."
I then pointed out that there was already a black candidate in the race, the Democrat Alvin Greene.
Campbell quickly responded, "Yes, but I think it is clear by now that a box of donuts has a better chance of being South Carolina's next senator than Alvin Greene does."

P.S: Can't get enough of the absurd world that is South Carolina politics? Check out the Discust.com.

USA Open Live

Newsflash: Pebble Beach golf course, just outside of Monterey, California is not a terrible place. A natural beauty carved by God and turned into a golf course by man, there are few more scenic places in the United States. In fact, during my visit I pronounced it positively tolerable. The US Open was played at the site this year and I decided to go, along with some friends I bought in college when I joined Pi Kappa Phi Fraternity. For some reason they seem to still like me ten years later. Maybe I should start reading the fine print on these contracts.
We decided to grace the tournament with our presence on Friday, the second day of the four day event. Friday is also the last day before the cut, the halfway point in the tournament when the worst players amongst the field are removed by grisly methods I shall not delve into now for fear of frightening my younger readers.
As a result, a group of 200 players were still involved in play when we entered the course via the 18th hole around ten in the morning. We were a little late arriving as we had stayed at the house to finish seeing the USA soccer team get raped by a referee from Mali while playing Slovenia. It truly is the worlds' game. Who the fuck knows where any of these places are?
Anyway, back to our story - as we arrived a massive group was brewing around the fairway. One of my friends remarked that the course must have a million people on if all the holes were so crowded. Having noticed that the threesome on the green had a following consisting merely of friends and family, I suggested that we had stumbled upon Tiger Woods and his posse.
Wanting to get a shot at the man who has been such a great player and the center of tremendous controversy of late, we blended into the mob. Despite my height, though, the 36,000 people in my way prevented any sight of the ballyhooed Woods. Also, the dastardly security guards had taken the blow up doll I had brought to present Tiger so that he would get in less dutch with the wife. Foiled in our efforts, we moved on to check out the other holes.
Nestled on a bay on the rocky Northern California coast, Pebble Beach is blessed to contain some of the most dramatic holes in golf. In order to prepare for the tournament, many of the fairways have been moved to the land's edge - which means a several hundred foot fall for any golf ball that gets too close. One hole boasts a second shot taken while staring a hundred foot high cliff right in the face. Let me recommend using a club with some loft for that one.
Our favorite hole was the 7th, the shortest par three in professional golf, just one hundred yards long. Even grandma can reach that green in one shot. But not Charles Barkley - have you ever seen that guy try to hit a golf ball?
Where the hell was I? Oh yeah, talking about attention deficit disorder and writing and about how they are a bad mix. Or maybe the US Open at Pebble Beach, yeah that's it. We sat in the grandstand at the seventh hole for about an hour and enjoyed the cool breezes as several groups of golfers went through.
The weather at Pebble Beach and the surrounding area was a godsend after experiencing the first few weeks of a South Carolina summer. Temperatures varied from 50-70 degrees depending on how close you were to the water and whether the sun decided to make an appearance. I wasn't at all surprised that an Irishman won, as I remarked several times how similar the place felt to the coast of Ireland or the United Kingdom.
The rest of the day we spent wandering from hole to hole, spending a little time at each so that we could watch the great Ian Poulter show off his talents. Poulter is known mainly for his flashy pants, usually displaying a colorful plaid pattern that should have been abandoned along with the rest of 1970s fashion when the apple fell on December 31, 1979. No matter what hole we visited, Poulter's group was playing there. I suggested we adopt the name "Poultergiests" and start a fan club. For some reason everyone thought that idea was idiotic.
Sadly, I have no pictures of the day since camera and cell phone use is banned on the premises during the tournament for those without media credentials (You should have hooked me up Colin). Instead, you will just have to stare at some stock footage of John Daly's gut. He didn't play there, but he was hanging out at the Hooter's down the road. Hey, natural beauty is all in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?

P.S.: Seriously though, here are some pictures for those interested in seeing what I have failed to properly describe.