Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Note to the reader: This is my 69th post here at Thoughts Askew. I encourage everyone to celebrate this milestone in the appropriate fashion.
I detest daylight savings time with the kind of passion that is usually reserved for politics, religion, and other topics one is not allowed to discuss at a bar for fear of the inevitability of broken bottles being smashed over the heads of previously peaceable neighbors. I wonder, as someone who only commune with the sun for a few hours a day anyway, who is the sanctimonious bastard that thinks he can take yet another sixty minutes of rays away from my pasty white skin? I love going out late and having a good time on occasion, but I am hardly a vampire (it wouldn't be a good fit anyway since I fear the sight of blood more than Medusa fears combing her hair). And, no, I am not going to get up earlier, so get that bit of insanity out of your head.
What can be done to combat the approach of that fateful day when time stands still or goes backwards or forwards or to a dimension beyond our ken? A couple years back, those who make the great calender in the sky (whom we must perform human sacrifices to in order to prevent the dragon from eating the sun) dictated that daylight savings time would be moved back a week or two from the date upon which it had fallen in the past. A step in the right direction without a doubt, but why can we not eliminate the concept entirely?
I suggest a boycott of DL in order to show"whitey" the strength of our numbers and our determination to defeat his dastardly plans, whatever the hell they may be. We must have a plan to confront DL . This coming Sunday, November 2nd, refuse to turn your clocks back. Don't worry about your computer, that poor guy is still probably programmed to change the time weeks ago and doesn't know what is going on out there in the real world. Microwaves, oven clocks, and other timepieces won't change unless you tell them to, so think of all the hassle you will be avoiding there. Your cel phone will annoy you by changing on its own, so just destroy it - you may remember living without one for a good deal of your life unless you are twelve years old or younger. If you are that young, quit reading this damn site, as it is written for adults, you motherfucking ass hole.
Show up for your appointments on the old schedule - the time your clocks say it is. People will respect your decision to fight the system, even if you show up an hour late all the time (or is it an hour early?). They will adjust to you eventually. Or you can move to Arizona or Hawaii, where Daylight Savings Time has been eliminated. Either way you win!
Author's Note: It has been brought to my attention that it is Standard Time at which I should be directing my anger - apologies to Daylight Savings Time. I hope no one was offended or otherwise injured by words, so carelessly flung as they were.