Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Economy is Stupid

The thought just hit me like lightning striking the tallest tree in the forest, leaving nothing but ash to remind the world of a tenuous existence. Since I am one of the world's leading figures, at least inside the warped confines of my brain, I should weigh in on the recent economic crisis that has hit the banking/mortgage industry over the last couple of months. I don't know very much about the problem, frankly, but that has never previously inhibited my forward momentum.
With 700 billion dollars about to be injected into the economy, I feel there have just got to be better ways to use the cash than to send it to people who have already proved they are inept at dealing with other people's money. Although, the Daily Show's concept of giving each American 2000 McDonald's apple pies is appealing when one considers the inflation-driven food prices of the last year, I feel we may need to look at a solution that attacks the crux of the matter. Henry Paulson, our infallible Treasury Secretary, has proclaimed himself the overlord of all the economy, and has inserted language into the planned bailout package giving himself unquestioned authority in these areas. Such economic tyranny balances well with the current status quo in our governing system, but Paulson is clearly not the right choice for our dollar bill dictator. There is only one way to spend such an absurd amount of money and only one person we can count on to make certain the cash flow is sent out in a diverse and effective manner. We have to dig up and reanimate the corpse of Richard Pryor.
In the 1985 flick "Brewster's Millions" (complete synopsis) Pryor's character, Montgomery Brewster, inherits an absurd fortune worth three hundred million in cash. There are a couple of intimidating roadblocks in between Brewster and his inheritance. Montgomery must first manage to spend thirty million dollars in a month's time - without accumulating any assets whatsoever. He is also forbidden from telling anyone what he is doing, so of course he is thought nuttier than giving a fruitcake as a Christmas present. In the end, our hero is able to complete his task, avoiding various obstacles along the way. Such a man is needed to steer our current economic ship. Here is a man who knows how to blow ridiculous sums of money in a creative fashion. Henry Paulson may not have the experience necessary to properly dump the American people's money down the crapper. Richard Pryor clearly does.

No comments: