Friday, July 13, 2012

Delta Devilry

July 12

Today was meet the media day in Delta, which sounds horrible if you are a professional athlete facing the same inane questions daily from a fifty year old alcoholic whose glory days consisted of a second place finish in the high school AA field hockey finals in 1978.  I look forward to interviews myself for two reasons: 1) they are crucial for the mission of promoting the Wounded Warrior Project 2) I get to sit down in one of those new-fangled chair things for a while.
I did my duty at the "Delta Independent" while also receiving word the "Mountain Valley News" was interested in a chat, and that the long-awaited article in my fraternity's magazine "the Startled Lamprey" has finally been released from cryogenic freeze.
Once done with my chore I paid a visit to the Delta museum.  The town has a long involved history with Indians, but if you want to learn about Utes you can go watch "My Cousin Vinny."  In much older and moldier news dinosaurs once roamed the mesas to the east and north.  Fossilized remains of reptiles such as the Brontosaurus have been found.  In only mildly related news, my favorite part of "Jurassic Park" was when Newman became velociraptor food.  I'm really surprised Kramer never cannibalized him on "Seinfeld," he was clearly underfed and the corpulent postman could have fed an entire Donner Party for weeks.
Across the road from the museum was the scene of Delta's most famous crime.  The McCarty family had recently carried out a successful robbery in Telluride with Butch Cassidy and the Wild Bunch when they decided to pay a visit to the Farmers and Merchants Bank.  
Their luck did not hold.  The gang successfully held up the teller for $700, but made the mistake of shooting the poor fellow.  The gun blast brought out the whole town, including the hardware store owner from across the street, a sharpshooter named W. Ray Simpson.  A series of rounds from his shotgun ended the career of two of the outlaws. Only Tom McCarty escaped and he never attempted another holdup again.
I spent the evening relaxing with the Heads at their home.  Jamie prepared hamburgers on the grill and then we all chilled out in their jacuzzi, except for poor Matt.  He was conducting repairs on his truck in the garage, covered in grease, while Wayne, a professional mechanic, yelled out occasional instructions from the comfort of the tub.  Wayne and I both highly recommend the recuperative power of a massaging water jet to soothe an aching body.  We also recommend delegating work - does anyone want to carry my pack?

O miles/total miles

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