Go Cubs Go!

As most people who know me are aware, I am a rabid, drooling, somewhat irrational follower of the Chicago Cubs, the cursed baseball franchise that has driven the majority of its fan base to an early grave or merely drooling catatonia. Every once in a while, and an astounding portion of the time this year, the good guys manage to pull out a victory. When such an unlikely occurrence does take place inside the friendly confines of Wrigley Field, the win is quickly followed by a song, an insanely catchy ditty that goes by the title "Go Cubs Go." Here is a link where you can hear the tune if it is unfamiliar to you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrlLmTh32KI

Musician Steve Goodman wrote the original lyrics, which are as follows:

Baseball's season's underway
Well you better get ready for a brand new day
Hey, Chicago, what do you say
Cubs are gonna win today
They're sayin

Go, Cubs, Go
Go, Cubs, Go
Hey, Chicago, what do you say
Cubs are gonna win today (repeat refrain)

They got the power, they got the speed
to be the best in the national league
well this is the year and the Cubs are real
so come on down to Wrigley field

We're singin now
Go, Cubs, Go
Go, Cubs, Go
Hey, Chicago, what do you say
Cubs are gonna win today (repeat refrain)

Baseball time is here again
you can catch it all on WGN
So stamp your feet and clap your hands
Chicago's got the greatest fans

You're singin now
Go, Cubs, Go
Go, Cubs, Go
Hey, Chicago, what do you say
Cubs are gonna win today (repeat refrain)

I feel strongly that, although the song is a good one, a preponderance of cheese does occasionally infiltrate the lyrics and drive down the level of quality here and there. I have, therefore, made my own humble attempt to rewrite the words in a way that is a little more intimidating for the foolish foes that dare oppose my beloved Cubbies. Here are the results:

Life is ceasing soon I say,
get your ass ready for a funeral today,
Hey, Chicago, what do you say,
Cubs are gonna massacre (opponent's name here) today
They're sayin

Kill, Cubs, kill
kill, Cubs, kill
Hey, Chicago, what do you say
Cubs are gonna maul (opponent's name here) today (repeat refrain)

Now comes the hour, now comes the need
to obliterate the entire National league
well here come the fear and the death is real
so come check out the body count yield

Crush, Cubs, crush
Crush, Cubs, crush
Hey, Chicago who do we flay
Cubs are gonna perform a vivisection on the decapitated corpse of (your team here) today (maybe don't repeat refrain) *Author's Note- vivisections can only be performed on the living but reality should not determine lyrical content

The end time is nigh again
wallow in the destruction
so smash heads and wipe blood from hands
mutilate the opposing fans

Die, Cards, die
Die, Cards, die
Hey, Chicago make the day red
with the gore of St. Louis dead (repeat refrain)

I hope that you enjoyed my much more pleasant rendition.